


I Still See You All The Time.

by AlyxJamieRae



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, It get's fluffy!, Kinda of angsty to start, Maybe - Freeform, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 06:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyxJamieRae/pseuds/AlyxJamieRae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura see's 'Carmilla' around campus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Still See You All The Time.

_The first time you see her, your sat at the window to your dorm room. Your watching the stars, they became a comfort to you in the days and weeks since Carmilla died. You cast your gaze down to the walk way below the window and you swear you see her there, watching the window, even for a split second you allow yourself to believe that she really is there, that she's not dead. But you blink and she's gone. You shake your head at yourself for being so stupid to think she was there, you'd seen her after the fight was over. You know in your mind that there's no way she could have survived that, no way she could be alive. Your heart take's a little more convincing than that though, and you begin to have a little hope that your annoying vampire roommate may one day walk through the door and back into your life._

_It takes you weeks to finally go back to class, to finally try and get back to normal. You were doing so well, you'd gotten up, showered, got dressed. You'd had breakfast without Perry coming to remind you to eat something. You'd left your dorm room for the first time in weeks, and you made it to your Lit class. But you'd zoned out while the professor was talking and decided to look out the window. That's when you saw her again. Stood not far from the window, watching you again. This time you don't blink, this time you continue to watch her, even when your eye's start to sting and water. You never take your eye's off her, not until your professor directs a question your way. Reluctantly you turn to look at the professor, you answer the question even though you weren't paying attention to the lesson. By the time you look back out the window. Carmilla is gone._

_You couldn't sleep, thought's of why you kept seeing Carmilla running through your mind, wondering if had you known how the fight was going to end if you would have said those three little words. Words you had so effortlessly said in your goodbye to your dad, but somehow hadn't managed to just say 'Carmilla, I love you.' You sit up in your bed and look around the room, Perry had made sure you didn't get a new roommate, Betty had ended up rooming with LaFontaine. It felt lonely without Carmilla in the room, it felt wrong without the soy milk container in the fridge, without clothes discarded all over the place, without dark hair clogging up the shower drain. You have to get out the room, so you pull on your shoes and Carmilla's leather jacket and make your way out into the cold bitter night. You walk for only a few minutes when you stop dead in your tracks, just down the way under the light of a dying street light you see her. She's just stood there, doesn't make a sound and doesn't move, but she's watching you as you are watching her. You don't move, you want to, you want to run to her and throw your arms around her, but you can't, your grounded to the spot. A noise to your left makes you jump and look to see where the noise came from, when you look back, she's gone again._

_They all try and tell you it's your mind playing trick's on you. LaFontaine give's a scientific explanation as to why your still seeing Carmilla around campus. Danny tell's you it's your heart, that your wishing for Carmilla to be there, so you 'see' he. Perry just smiles sadly at you and tell's you that it's your brain playing tricks, she tell's you that in time you'll stop seeing her, that you'll move on. But you don't want to move on, you don't think it's a trick of your mind. How can it be? Why would your own mind be so cruel as to show you the person you love and miss. You convince yourself that it's not a trick, and that one day, when you see her, she won't disappear. They leave you after that, and they don't mention it again. They let you have your hope, no matter how deluded they may think it is._

_You start looking for her now, where ever you go, to class, a walk at night, to the store, your always searching for her. Always hoping that you'll see her, and sometimes you do, you saw her when you were at the store getting cookies, she gave you a small smile as she watched you, then she was gone. You saw her again in the back of one of your classes, you can't remember which one, but you know she was there. You saw her when you went for a walk at night, she always look's worried when she see's you at night and you know it's because of Silas and how thing's are there. But you can't help but go for walks despite the possible danger, you need to see her, you live for seeing her now._

_Christmas break was amazing, you spent time with your dad then at night you'd sneak out of your bedroom window and got walking around the neighborhood you knew like the back of your hand. Most night's you end up in the small play area at the end of your road, you learn that's where you see Carmilla the most, she's always lent against the big oak tree, just watching you. You tell all this to Danny, Perry and LaFontaine when you get back to Silas after Christmas, they give you sad smiles and tell you that it's great that you had a good time, and that you got to see your dad. They don't mention you seeing Carmilla, they never do._

_It'll be a year in three week's, and everyone is now used to you talking about Carmilla like she's still there. They still give you sad little smiles though, Perry tried to get you to talk to a guidance counselor once. You didn't go. Why would you when the only reason you feel slightly happy nowadays is the possibility of seeing Carmilla at some point in your day. Perry doesn't try again, she leave's you to it. Your thankful for your friends, you really are, but you'd wish they would stop trying to get you to 'see the light' as they put it. They soon realize it was a poor choice of words when your face fell and tears welled in your eyes. You'd already seen the light, you'd seen the destruction it had caused. You saw the lives it took._

_It's been a year now. A year has passed with only your sightings of Carmilla, you think you'd forget what her voice sounded like if you didn't have your video's. When you begin to forget you play one, just to listen to her voice. You like the later video's the best, you like how caring she sound's when she's talking to you. You miss her. You see her all the time, but you miss her. You were trying to sleep that night when LaFontaine burst into your room, they yell at you to wake up. You tell them your already awake. They tell you they saw her, that they saw Carmilla outside the dorm room. You think they are lying to you, that they got fed up with trying to convince you that Carmilla isn't there that they are now playing along. You kick them out of your room and don't speak to them for a full two days._

_When you do speak to LaFontaine again, Danny and Perry are there, they tell you that they have seen Carmilla as well. You get angry again and yell at them, you tell them to just stop that you know Carmilla isn't really there, you know that she's not, but you take even the slightest bit of comfort in knowing that you can still see her. There silent for a long time after your outburst, you realize they thought you didn't know, they thought that maybe you'd gone crazy. That just fuels your anger even more. Your not crazy. Your heartbroken, even after a year._

_You still think their just messing with you. You still think that they just got fed up and decided to play along, pretend to see Carmilla every now and again and then maybe you'll forget about her. You stay angry with them all for day's, you lock yourself away in your room. You think that maybe that's the first time the lock on your door has ever been locked. But then you remember the time you held Carmilla hostage, you'd locked the door then, just to make sure no one burst in unannounced and saw what was going on. You don't unlock the door, not even when Perry comes by with brownies to say sorry, not when Danny brings you cookies as an apology, not when LaFontaine brings you soda to say their sorry._

_The first night you do unlock the door, it's not long before it's being pushed open. Your laying on Carmilla's bed, one of her books in your hand. You don't look up, you just tell who ever it is to get lost. Your head whips round when you hear a voice you hadn't expected. Your sat up in a flash when you see Carmilla stood in the door way, you'd never seen her in the room before, it was always around campus, but never in the room. You don't believe your eyes, even when she tell's you that she's really there, that it's not a trick of your mind. She call's you cupcake and your burst into tears, because hearing it in person is so much better than hearing it through an old video of the girl. She's beside you in no time at all, an arm wrapped securely around your shoulders._

_You cry for what you think is days, but it's only a few hours. Her shirt is soaked through but she tell's you she doesn't care. She tells you she's sorry. That it wasn't safe for you to actually know she was alive all those time's you saw her. You ask her why and she just tell's you that people had to believe she was really gone. You just nod and rest your head on her shoulder, she's really there. It's not a figment of your imagination. It never was, she was always there. When Danny, Perry and LaFontaine come around in the morning they catch you and Carmilla curled up on her bed, her arms holding you close to her. Your half asleep when they show up, you hear Carmilla tell them that she's sorry for what she put you through. You hear them tell her that they'll come back later. Once you hear the door close you open your eyes and look at Carmilla. She smiles softly at you. You finally say the words you had wished for so long that you had said in your goodbye video._

_"I love you."_

* * *

 

**_A/N - So, I had this idea at 5AM for a really angsty, heartbreaking and soul destroying fic. Sadly I couldn't remember any of it apart from Laura seeing Carmilla everywhere, when I woke up. This might not be the original idea I had, but I'm really happy with how this turned out! Please let me know what you think!_ **


End file.
